Sorry it’s been a while folks. College is looking great and senior year is staying just enough in reach that people will complain about it incessantly on various social networks. But we only have 30-some odd days left of this paradise and it’s time to ruin all those Giants fans’ seasons.

After a year filled with Frank McCourt and just all around terrible ownership, the Dodgers are back.

Led by the manchild Matt Kemp and (as of April 17 before the Brewers Game) his league leading batting average (.487 If numbers could be caps, that’d be hugely capitalized.), home runs (6), RBIs (16), runs (13), OBP (.523), slugging (1.026), and OPS (1.548), the Dodgers are on a tear, with the first 9-1 start in team history in over 30 years. It also should be noted that Kemp was just named Player of the Week for the second consecutive week. Out of two. Counting that he won it the last week of last year, that’s three straight. Sorry bout that.

To all those haters out there, it’s true that we’ve only played the Bucs and the Pads. Point taken. But (I’m assuming here that you’re a Giants fan), I’d just like to say that no one asked for your opinion. I’d also like to point out that you guys started off the season getting swept by the D-Backs, while losing your starting closer in the process. Also, your “All-Galaxy” pitcher (Lincecum) got absolutely SHELLED in the opener and is now 0-2. So keep it shut.

Obviously no one wants to actually admit that the Dodgers could be for real here, because there are basically no Dodgers fans here in Nor-Cal. Except my bro Israel Hakim (’12), but of course that’s just because, like me, he was born in the vastly superior SoCal. But it’s up to us to spread the word to #ThinkBlue. Yeah I did. I just used a hashtag while not being on Twitter. Got a problem with it? Oh wait…does your team have the best record in baseball? Didn’t think so. So work on that first, and then, maybe, you can start criticizing me.

See this stuff is going to last. I don’t care what the analysts say. You might even go so far as to say that you are currently entering a “zone of danger.” (Thanks Kenny Loggins. And John Dickerson (’12).)

I mean come on…we turned a triple play already this year! The first 2-5-6-3 triple play in 130 years! One hundred and thirty years. I mean yes, true, we did get a little help from the ump. But who’s complaining?

Let’s go through the [insert censored drink company which is always as cold as the Rockies] Cold Hard Facts. And we only need 2.

1. Kemp WILL win the MVP this year.
2. Clayton Kershaw WILL win the Cy Young.

Heck, Aaron Harang is leading our staff in strikeouts, with nine straight Ks in one outing. The last time I heard of Harang was when he was on the money-balling A’s. (That team is so sad, I’m just going to stop thinking about them for greater part of this season. All I’m going to say is….Cespedes’ home run was a SHOT. And that I’ll actually re-start rooting for them once the Giants decide to stop being annoying and let them move into San Jose.)

And the thing is, our ace (Kershaw) isn’t even killing it yet. Our best pitcher thus far has been Chad Billingsley.  He’s only allowed one single earned run in over 14 innings of work, in addition to his 15 strikeouts. And only one walk. So yeah. He’s pretty good. This stuff is going to last because we haven’t even started playing real ball yet.

We don’t even need our good ‘ole closer Jonathan Broxton. As it turns out, Broxton plunked two of the aforementioned moneyball team’s hitters to walk in two runs, thus losing the Royals the game. Good one Jonny. That’s the first time in 46 years that someone has hit two players to lose a game. Forty-six.

But back to the team that actually matters because no one in the history of historical analysis has ever cared about the Kansas City Royals. Or any Kansas City team really for that matter. Another reason why we’re doing so mint-ly (that’s a good thing) this year is because our bullpen has been so rock solid. Take Javy Guerra here, I had never heard of the guy. But he hasn’t let up a run yet this season and provides us with a nice, major league leading, five saves. So Brian Wilson, eat your heart out. Or beard. Whichever works.