Fantasy Football: Volume II: Chapter 1

Volume II, Chapter 1: A New Member, A New Beginning

After a summer of dirty deeds and questionable decisions the gurus of the past season have come back together, gathered their powers and brought forth a brand new guru. Enter Dillon Scheel. A man who won the league last year by fleeces (refer to Volume 1 Chapter 15), Scheel represents everything this league has to offer: fraud, injustice, and late night stupidity.  Yet, of all the league members you would want to take home to your parents, Scheel is probably the man.  He is charismatic, thoughtful, and cooks a great Rice Pilaf.  

As we venture into a new season, the gurus are giving their own preseason Love/Hate list to start the year off with a bang.  #OutforHarambe #PrayforBantu

Season Love/Hate List

Steven Marinkovich

Love: Ezekiel Elliott – The big man himself. Ezekiel Elliott is going to be an absolute superstar in this league and that will be clear from week one of the NFL season. The Cowboys’ offensive line is incredible and made DeMarco Murray look like the next coming of Emmitt Smith. Elliott comes out with much more pure talent than Murray had and that attitude you look for in someone who’s going to dominate the league. With Tony Romo out for awhile, Elliott will be thrown right in the fire and counted on by the Cowboys to keep their season afloat. Barring any suspension Elliott may face throughout the season for rocking his crop top, expect the big man to be in the top five of running backs and absolutely run riot on the opposition.

Hate: Mike Evans – Lookup inconsistency in the dictionary, find a picture of Mike Evans. I made the crucial error of drafting him this year and have struggled through many summer nights in my dire attempt to ship him off to another team. With his quarterback Famous Jameis as close to the end zone as he is to the crab legs section at Publix Supermarket you just don’t know what you’re going to get out of Evans’ quarterback and that terrifies me. Sure Evans may put up some good numbers, but then he sprinkle in some nice 0s, 2s, or 4s, just to keep owners near their barf bags. If you have him, ship him out before it’s too late.

Ben Cleasby – Big man Ben Cleasby unfortunately got his wisdom teeth out early Thursday morning and could only muster up the names of the people he loved and hated. We wish him a quick recovery for next week’s edition of the Gurus.

Love: David Johnson

Hate: Team Gahfilta Fish (Ethan’s Team)

Ethan Stern

Love: Jay Ajayi – At first glance the young buck Jay Ajayi might seem tainted due to the recent acquisition of Arian Foster in Miami. But what all fantasy owners need to realize is that Foster’s insides are entirely made of glass. Before each fantasy season the fantasy gods come down from the Gates of Valhalla and guide me to fantasy prosperity. This year the gods informed me that in the interval of week 3 to week 7 Foster will be hurt. Thus giving the lone spotlight to Jay Ajayi resulting in Ajayi becoming the hottest commodity in every one of our readers’ leagues.

Hate: Devonta Freeman – The only thing that Devonta Freeman had going for him last season was that no one knew about him. But the National Football League is anything but stagnant. The NFL’s defenses are constantly evolving and I can’t say the same for Freeman. With an impressive RB2 in Tevin Coleman, I foresee a lot of disappointment in Devonta Freeman’s future.

Peter Snodgrass

Love: Cam Newton – Is it possible for the number one overall quarterback from last year to be even better? The answer is yes. With Kelvin Benjamin back, along with Devin Funchess and Greg Olsen, Newton is poised to have multiple options to throw to this year. Along with his plethora of options, Newton’s Super Bowl loss should fuel a new fire in him. The scary part is, we have not even talked about Newton’s rushing attack.

Hate: Odell Beckham Jr. – Be wary of the curse. No, not the Madden curse, but the Khloe Kardashian curse. With Sterling Shepard shining in training camp, Shepard is a surefire to steal OBJ’s receptions as OBJ is double covered. Beware OBJ owners.

Jamie Cullen

Love: Todd Gurley – After a breakout rookie campaign, look for Todd to keep on rolling with an even better second year. Gurley missed the first four games last year and still finished as one of the top running backs, look for him to do even better this year with a year of experience and the opportunity to play all year. With a new rookie quarterback the Rams will likely lean heavily on Gurley to help ease Jared Goff’s transition to the NFL, and Gurley will take advantage.

Hate: 49ers Wide Receivers – As a diehard 49ers fan, this one hurts to admit, but it has to be said. Colin Kaepernick and Blaine Gabbert are not good NFL quarterbacks, and the receiving corps for the 49ers will suffer because of this. Without any star receivers to make up for the lack of talent at quarterback, the Niners will likely rely heavily on Carlos Hyde and the run game.

Dillon Scheel

Love: Blake Bortles – He finished fourth in total fantasy points (304) and 2nd in touchdowns (35) last season. In addition, Jacksonville relied heavily on the pass, and I don’t see any reason for change. In fact, their defense is so horrible (31st last season in points allowed) that they will find themselves in plenty of passing situations. Lastly, Bortles has two up and coming 6’3’’ receivers to toss to, in Allen Robinson and Allen Hurns. Both had breakout campaigns last season.

Hate: Thomas Rawls – I actually have this guy on my current roster. It is not a matter of his talent. No — He produced top three numbers at the position after the injury to Marshawn Lynch. It’s not his ankle injury either — Pete Carroll is confident that he is ready to play in week one. In fact it’s not him at all. Its his teammate, Christine Michael, who has shined at the position in the preseason. Michael was Seattle’s second round pick in 2013, so they know his raw talent. He just looks like a starting running back right now, it’s that simple. I would expect a running back by committee this season in Seattle, and If you have Rawls you should definitely invest in Michael.

Deep Sleeper of the Season

Ethan Stern – After trading all of his draft picks for basically nothing last season, anything but a bottom three finish would be a miracle for stern.

Bold Prediction of the Season – Marshawn Lynch to come out of retirement

The true big man Marshawn Lynch hung up his boots in the middle of the Super Bowl last season, but we can guarantee you that he’s just itching for a comeback. Expect him to join up with his hometown Raiders sometime by Week 8, take the league by storm and finish #1 in fantasy points for running backs.

Tweet the gurus any questions you have about your team @VikingFantasyFB