It’s 8:30 on a Thursday night and my palms are sweating. I feel hot around the collar, restless, and unable to focus. My IAC homework sits there, blank on my desk, taunting my nerves at an almost unbearable level. Yes, math is my nemesis, but believe it or not, it was not the reason for my stressful meltdown last Thursday evening. No, readers, behold — Shannon Scheel had entered the world of Fantasy Football. The draft commenced at 8:45 on the dot, and by then, it was go hard or go home (or, more appropriately for our league, BRO hard or go home), and there was no turning back.
Granted, as a female, I felt a little out of place in the Fantasy Football arena. Especially in our league, entitled “Football…Mega Chill,” named after the world’s ultimate bro’s bro, “Typical Chazz.” Surrounded by names such as FaucetFaceKilla, Prestige Worldwide and other more boy humor inappropriate ones that I will cease to mention, I started to question if I was out of my element. But those of you who know me also know that I can talk smack about the NFL in my own right (thank god there’s a “smack talk” feature in the league!). So once I came to embrace the fact that I was just exercising my role as one of the bros, and team Brosefina was born. And as a result, I have become motivated to share my advice for us less-experienced fantasy players about my drafting ordeal. Who knows, maybe you’ll pick up a few tips for next time.
The main thing to remember (this will especially help the female audience) is that selecting a fantasy team is like dating. Soon you will see why.
Not going to lie, I was slightly crestfallen when I discovered that I would be tenth overall draft pick (aka the LAST one). Initially, I panicked almost as bad as I did when I finally faced the fact that my beloved Peyton was not starting for the Indianapolis Colts. However, reader, if you are ever found in this situation, DO NOT panic. Think all of your top picks are going to be gone because you’re last in the pickings? It’s like that overused phrase — “there’s other fish in the sea.” People always focus on the superstars: Michael Vick, Desean Jackson, Arian Foster, Peyton (tear..ah don’t even get me started) that they often overlook the up and comers who can bring a lot to a team. So don’t get caught up in that nonsense — scope out the guys more under-the-radar! I picked up Kenny Britt, a tight end for the Tennessee Titans on a whim (actually due to advice from my brother) and he earned me 29 points this week. Which is a TON. And if that STILL doesn’t convince you, I got Drew Brees and Calvin Johnson back to back in the first and second rounds. (One of the pluses about picking last? You get first pick in the following round, too!)
Also, my second piece of the Fantasy Football=Dating analogy is this: watch out for the “sleepers.” Technically, a “sleeper” is a player that might not appear particularly useful early in the fantasy season, but racks up the big guns later on.
These players are just like the people who get really really good – looking their second half of high school — all of a sudden people are totally into them. So the same goes in the football world. Keep an eye out for the mid-season standouts, and make some clutch trades around week eight or so to blow the rest of your opponents out of the water. They won’t see it coming!
My final piece of advice is pretty obvious: go for the gold and win it. You don’t get the man or woman of your dreams by sitting around, and you won’t win fantasy games that way either. Get into it! Get heated (I challenge you to pull a Nicky Hu (‘12) in your emotional stress levels when watching a sporting event) and be passionate about your squad.
Remember — even though they are all playing for different teams, each player on your roster is scoring points for you and your own personal glory. So I encourage all of you who are hesitant about taking the fantasy plunge to fear no more. You will be in for a wild ride of Red Zone Channel, game day snacks and smack talk. (And who knows…maybe after this tutorial, you’ll spice up your love life as well.)
Alright. So DeSean Jackson is supposed to score 15 points in tonight’s game for me. I need to watch this. Until next time….Scheel is out.
