This past weekend, I attended my six-year-old sister Kellyn’s soccer game and was instantly transported back to my childhood. There were the small goals, no goalies (no wonder I actually thought I was skilled back then), the oranges at halftime, the post-game carb and trans fat loaded snacks, and of course, the banner. The team banner said it all. It is safe to say that a team’s swag depended solely on its banner. Because let’s face it – in AYSO, the team names said it all. Kelly’s team was playing a yellow team called “The Butterflies.” I mean I don’t know about you, readers, but if I were on the Butterflies and saw girls in lavender uniforms charging about with an ominous banner bearing the words “Lavender Leopards” in the background, plus Kelly and her tinted goggle-glasses leading the pack, I would fly far, far away. (It would also be a hilarious spectacle.)
This got me thinking on the team name subject, and while I was updating my fantasy roster for the week, I stumbled across a two excellent websites, bleacherreport.com and buzzfeed.com. Both of these sites provide the best (and puniest- you know I love puns) fantasy football team names around. Each conveys an inside joke about the main player surrounding a fantasy roster, and frankly I couldn’t stop laughing. It was like the Lavender Leopards all over again. I’ve decided to share five of my favorites with you, so feel free to take a gander and enjoy.
- Mike Vick In A Box – I literally laughed out loud when I read this one. My cousin from San Diego has a fantasy league and this is the name of his friend’s team. It alludes to the fantastic SNL sketch, with Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg (the title, for obvious reasons, I cannot mention) and also suggests that anyone who adds Vick to their roster will be pleasantly surprised with the number of points they receive each week if they choose to open “Mike Vick in a Box”.
- The Hillis Are Alive with the Sound of Music- Yet another punny title, featuring running back Peyton Hillis of the Cleveland Browns. This team name cleverly combines the timeless Julie Andrews ballad with the idea that if a turf field were the hills of Austria, Peyton would be running ALL over them.
- So Fly Like Hakeem Nicks- This really should be the name of Nicky Hu’s (’12) squad, due to the fact that New York Giants wide receiver Nicks racks up the big points each week. Effortlessly combining the Far East Movement’s smash hit “Like A G6” with Hakeem’s tendency to go vertical on corners to catch Eli Manning’s passes, this team name is essential to anyone whose fantasy offense centers around the Giants.
- Taste Dwayne Bowe- I first heard clever name from fellow staff member and football connoisseur Spencer Drazovich (’13). (Look for his column in the first issue.) Don’t get it? Say it slowly. Dwayne Bowe, the main target for wide receivers on the Kansas City Chiefs, is a force to be reckoned with on offense and coincidentally, his name bears resemblance to the Skittles motto “taste the rainbow.” Talk about puns!
- A Partridge in a Crabtree- This one just got me thinking about the holidays, especially with the jolly red uniforms of our own San Francisco 49er’s. Wide receiver Michael Crabtree has been explosive force on the offensive end of the field for Jim Harbaugh’s team, so naturally it makes sense that he would be ideal Christmas gift for any fantasy team owner.
Well, there you have it, readers. I hope these team names spark some inspiration into your hearts, and remind you that the name of your team marks what it stands for. So no matter the sport, choose wisely AND humorously.
Until next time…Scheel is out.
